Dear Haters, Leave Gabby Alone

Dear Haters,

I know it been hard a few weeks for all of you Olympic viewers out there. I mean with so much #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackExcellence out there

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:















Exhibit D-Z:

It might be a little straining on your eyes to witness so many groundbreaking historical gold winning records being made by...well...Black people. Swimmer Simone Manuel that made her the first black woman to win an individual medal in swimming (to go along with the other gold she won in the 400 relay), gymnast Simone Biles being the first Black American and American to win four gold metals in gymnastics in a single Olympics (on top of winning team all-around and individual all-around), Brazil's Rafaela Silva winning Brazil's first and only gold metal in judo, Michelle Clarter wining shot put gold metal and breaking the American record, English Gardner wining her first gold metal...the list goes on! 

But while you're expressing your emotions or whatnot on social media, let me tell ya what you won't do: TREAT MY GOLD WINNING SISTER GABBY LIKE SHE'S NOT A GOLD WINNING ATHLETE. Ya'll gotta stop coming for her hair, her outfits, and her #BlackGirlMagic. I wanna see you do a fancy leap on onto one hand and turn around and flip into split and still have your hair laid. What Gabby is doing is incredible! It's extremely shallow and immature for people to talk about her hair. Gabby is way more than her hair. Are we seriously continuing to tear apart another Black woman and dwindle her self-esteem all for "jokes" and retweets? I won't allow it. What's even sad about the entire thing is that its OTHER Black women that are talking about Gabby the most. This is not what we're supposed to do! We're supposed to support each other, respect each other, and be on our other Black sisters sides--not be a part of the problem. Between the disrespectful comments she's getting from other racist mfs from all over the world, she has to endure women that's supposed to have her back calling her out for something that doesn't add to, define, or even contribute to her remarkable athleticism and character. Gabby I got your back, boo!. 

And another thing....

So what if she doesn't want to pledge allegation to a room full of flags of countries that tell her and billions of other Black women that they don't fucking matter?! So what if she doesn't want to practice in some made up cult-like "cultural" practice that carries on the legacy of the violence towards Black bodies? IF you don't believe that the personal is political then you are lost in the sauce! Gabby doesn't need you hounding her for her right to feel, do, say, what she wants. So ya'll gotta chill....









All I'm saying is, you gotta leave Gabby alone. She is a PHENOMENAL gymnast, a sweet woman, and a Shero to many young girls out there! We need to have Gabby's back the most during this time because it's hard to compete against 206 other countries and still stay sane and strong. We wanna  support Gabby and give her all the love she needs to be successful in the Olympics. And if you don't wanna do that, then you can bounce because you gon' get all of her #BlackGirlMagic!!

(Source: via GIPHY)

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Ain't I A Woman?

"Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women of the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place!
And ain't I a woman?

Look at me! Look at my arm! I could have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman?

I could work as much and eat as much as a man- when I could get it- and bear the lash as well!
And ain't I a woman?

I have borne thirteen children, and seen them most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me!
And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [Intellect, somebody whispers] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negro's rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure-full? Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him. If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back, and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say.

Sojourner Truth 

May 28-29, 1851 

You Make Me Feel

You make me feel like a natural woman

Do you know how it feels to be completely infatuated with him?
To want to touch him every second, minute, hour– never letting go of his smooth cocoa butter skin?
To hopelessly love every breath he takes–hanging on to every delicate magic that he embodies?
To crave his existence and the idea that forever could start today–appreciating the moment our eyes locked and I saw myself in you?
To ache for his silk voice to send messages to my body begging for more–moaning your wants and desires through thrusts of passion and excitement?
To be by his side through it all–seeing God taking us through solar plexus of our immutable binding

Cause you make me feel..
You make me feel..
You make me feel like a natural woman

#12:48am

20 Things I Wish Someone Would've Told Me in My Teens

Here I am on my birthday reflecting on all of the choices that I have made in the past two decades. From boys to puberty; from hairstyles to health issues; from decisions to goals, I have learned a lot of valuable lessons that helped me grow to the young woman that I today. So here's a list of 20 things I wish someone had told me while I was still a teenager. 

1. Things are always changing
2. It's ok to have feelings!
3. People always come back
4. If you say "no", it's not the end of the world
5. If you don't want to, you don't have to!
6. Value those that showed up rather than dwell on those that didn't
7. Half of the world's population is men--not the six that suck for you!
8. You aren't obligated to do anything for anybody
9. You're beautiful the way you are
10. You're stronger than you look
11. You can still love them unconditionally and keep your distance
12. It's ok to not know everything--you have to learn something, right?
13. That boy was a blessing in disguise
14. You have to talk to people if you want them to understand you
15. Language is important!
16. You can change the world in a number of ways
17. Politics is really messy, but you LIVE for it
18. Don't let anyone invalidate how you feel and who you are
19. Be patient the time will come
20. Finally, GOD STILL LOVES YOU!

Happy 20th Birthday Jenn!

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Dreamer Spotlight: SayLotus

Adrian. who goes by the stage name Say Lotus, has been creating conscious songs that you are able to relate to and chill. With growing numbers on Souncloud.com, Say Lotus is definitely an artist to watch. With her silken voice on a track, this Chicago artist has the potential to make it to the top.Her first released single, "Say Yes (Floetry Cover)" is gaining more plays and views on Soundcloud.com, with more than 400 plays to date. Say Yes, tells the story from the perspective of a woman who finds out that a guy who she's had her eye on is not ready  for her. Check out my interview with her below! 

Me: Hi Adrian! How are you?

Lotus: Hiiii! I'm doing awesome!

Me: Thanks for being apart of the first spotlight for my dreamers spotlight portion of my blog SmallPinkDreams. I know we're close friends, but I think I am more of your number one fan than anything. So tell me, how did you get the name Lotus?

Lotus: Well, I was walking down the street with Erin and [Jennifer] and Lotus popped in my head. I was like "Hey guys, what do you think about Lotus?" and you were like "I like it". I started looking into what the Lotus represented. It's like a plant that grows through mud on a daily basis and grows with the sun, and every part of it can be used for a lot like medicine and medical wraps. That's why they were so favored by the [buddhist], even the gurus are considered lotus before their actual name. The plant itself holds a lot of clout. I didn't come from the most pristine background so I am able to use that and to use in my music. It's a reminder of where I come from and it's important. 

Me: Well that sounds melodic or like a dreamer! [laughs]

Lotus: [laughs]

Me: How long have you been writing?

Lotus: I've been writing since I was about eight years old and it started with small stories. Then from there, me and my cousin made a song group. Around 12, I started rapping to some Nicki Minaj songs. Around 16, I began doing LTAB [Louder Than A Bomb] and now in college I continued writing. It went from writing on Green Goblin and Collard Greens instrumental to the music I have today. 

Me: That sounds like a wonderful come up story. Tell me more about your poetry background? What was the content of poems about?

Lotus: Honesty, the poems are really sad. Most of my writing is reflective since I was an only child. I used to sit in my room, listen to dark music, and make dark poems. I would listen to Fly Lead, FallOutBoys, Lady Gaga, and Lil Wayne--it was a good era. 

Me: So I heard your poem, 1920-2014 and it has a lot of deep metaphors about the world and how crazy it is be human in it. Can you tell me more about your writing process with that particular poem?

Lotus: That whole summer, I had been randomly looking at Youtube about the government and I got super mad about it. I was watching one video about the new world order and some really bogus stuff that was gonna happen if [the government] was to shut down. I spent two hours just writing at work and showed it to my boss. She'd asked me if I was writing instead of working and I said yeah [laughs] but she loved it. I was researching about lynchings and I thought it was crazy because people actually had postcards and pictures hanging up with photos of lynchings. Then I had recently read about the incident in Gaza and it was really fucked up, because the same thing was happening in 2014 and it started a wave of consciousness for me.

Me: Wow! That's really deep. 

Lotus: [laughs] Yeah it was. 

Me: So your song Say Yes is really blowing up with a few people in Chicago and as of today has over 400 plays in it's first couple of months released. How do you receive this good feedback from everyone?

Lotus: I think it's really dope that everyone took four minutes out of their day to play my song. The feedback was kinda expected when you're speaking real [stuff]. 

Me: So with that being said, whats next for Say Lotus?

Lotus: Um, well. I'm kinda new to everything so it's really just cultivating my sound and making a statement with my artwork--making more than a hobby with my music; plus more studio time and making moves that's gonna get me out of my mama's house and off the block! 

This artist is on the rise and working towards mastering her craft. Her music is soulful, it's creative, it's reflective, and it's available on Soundcloud.com Posted below is her single that has been circulating! Stay tuned with this artist.

Twitter:@SayLotus

Soundcloud: saylotus

Instagram: @juh_ree

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No Weapons Formed Against Me: Growth After Facing Adversity

"B*tch" "N*gger" "Black c*nt" "Get a job" "Ferguson's Calling!"

These were all the things that I, along with tens of other marginalized people, heard on a college campus following an event that spewed hateful rhetoric and violence amongst it's audience. While protecting the dignity and livelihood of myself and others, I received the most threatening comments from a very large group of angry, bigoted conservative white people (with a surprising amount of Black and Brown bodies). I sat on stage with 10 others soldiers fighting the adversity that our university failed to protect us from--thus leaving us to protect one another.

I find myself struggling with how to write about this event. I didn't know how my story would sound, how captivating it would be to my readers, or even if I would just come off as dramatic and victimized. 

A week after the event, I'm lying in my bed struggling to find the right words to write about the event--only to realize that my narrative doesn't come from the actual events of what I endured but from the realizations that appeared afterwards. I opened my Bible app and the first story that jumped out to me was the story of David and Goliath. In 1 Samuel 17, it tells the story of how David, a young shepherd from Bethlehem, was able to defeat the big bad Philistine that constantly terrorized Israel, Goliath. Goliath would armor himself with bronze and visit Israel every day to challenge to battle. When David visited Israel, he heard Goliath shouting things against Israel and vowed to kill and cut off his head.The Israel army gave David all of this really fancy and protective bronze armor, but David didn't feel comfortable wearing them because he wasn't used to heavy equipment. So instead of all the protective gear, David only took his walking stick, five stones from the stream. and a sling. 

*Pause* While reading this, the entire time I was thinking "David how are you gonna fight Goliath?!" I was so nervous, because poor little David was only a shepherd. He didn't have any experience in fighting but had the biggest balls to challenge this giant dude. I was nervous and shaking like:

But back to the story...

When Goliath sees David, he starts taunting him. Goliath said to David "What is that stick for? Did you come to chase me away like a dog?" (1 Samuel 17: 43) David responds: 

“You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. 46 This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. 47 All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.” (1 Samuel 17: 45-47)

After Goliath started to attack David, David pulled a stone out his bag, put it in his sling, and swung the sling. The stone hit Goliath right between the eyes and Goliath fell face first to the ground--thus killing Goliath.

At first, the story of David and Goliath meant little to me. Now, I think that God told me to read that specific Bible verse, because he was trying to tell me something. My experience at this event left me with more questions than ever.  In that moment being on stage I felt powerless and weak. What made matters worse. the responses of people that were supposed to support and protect me shamed me for my actions.But after reading the story of David and Goliath, I think that God was trying to show that what I did was necessary and good.

Being in that room, I saw the minuscule amount of what my ancestors and my people have been fighting for centuries. I was outnumbered by hate-- taunted by the white supremacists that believed I didn't deserve any rights or respect. But like David, I didn't need the extra security to protect me or the countless hours of training to prepare me for this moment. 

God told me a week later that everything that I have learned and the personal growth that I had endured before the event prepared me better than ever. I thought that I was in a situation that I couldn't handle. Thank you God for protecting me and shielding me from hate. You showed me I had everything in me to fulfill my purpose in that room.Now look at me--surviving and stuff. 

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Love At First Sight

Could this be true?

Is God telling me that he may be you?

I can't remember a time where I've been so comfortable
I can't remember a time when I've been authentically me
I can't remember a time when I felt more free.

I guess it is you.
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Overcoming the Fear of Disappointment

On my path of evolving and maturing, I have had the greatest pleasure of learning more about myself. It's so fun fully enjoying myself! I found out so much about myself--my strengths, my passions, my desires, things that I don't like, and even things that make me uncomfortable. I learned to attack everything I do with an open mind and open heart; analyze how it made me feel--do I feel ok or good? Did it make me feel uncomfortable? Can I do this again successfully? 

I also recognized that I have not gotten over the fear of disappointing people--whether it's my family members, friends, or professionals. I'm still working out the issues to why I feel like this; but I think it's because I just want everyone to look at me with pride. What I'm realizing is that, sometimes in order to keep someone else happy and satisfied, I leave myself feeling less than or unfulfilled. 

My next step in my journey of self-love, is doing what is fulfilling to me no matter the backlash or dissatisfaction of the people around me. I'm scared as hell to face my fears, but I think it'll make me more protective of myself and I refuse to have someone feel less than the joys I feel today.

"I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man." Ecclesiastes 3:12-13

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I Learned About Being a Water Sign

So lately, I've had this weird spiritual craving to learn more about my astrology. I always hear everyone talk about their sun sign, moon sign, water signs, earth sign, etc, etc, etc, The only thing I knew is that I was born on the first of July and my zodiac sign was a cancer. But to my surprise, my birth date means so much more to my identity and energy that I had ever imagined. Lemme break it down for you:

July 1

Sun: Cancer
Ascending Sign: Virgo

Moon Sign: Capricorn (who would've thought!)

Water Sign

What I learned about this is that I'm a nurturer, a protector, a mother. I am able to empathize and sympathize with anyone who trusts me to open up to me--which I also tend to take on their problems as my own. I am vulnerable. I am gentle. I am romantic and sensual. I am passionate.I just want to love anything and everything with my whole heart.

As I read this on AstrologyZone.com, it just made so much sense. I am still in the state of shock after having mother earth clapback at me about how she truly knows me; and I don't know how to process this information. Plus its 3:48am and I've rested all evening so my brain is still relaxing. 

If you're a Pisces or Scorpio, you're not exempt from this either! Here's what AstrologyZone.com says about you:

Scorpio's domain is to investigate the two most personal of inter-relationships: sexual and financial transactions between individuals. (Social scientists tell us most people would sooner speak about sex than money--both, very private matters!) Scorpio's sexual side represents the sign's control over the perpetuation of the species. Symbolized by the phoenix rising from the ashes, Scorpio governs the 8th house, representing birth, death and regeneration. Scorpios have a shrewd business sense (the 8th house is also a financial one, ruling "other people's money") and therefore Scorpios make superb negotiators. Their mysterious nature inhibits them from giving away information to the other side.

Pisces is the last sign of the zodiac and a compilation of all the signs that came before, which is why Pisces blends so well with other signs. Outer-directed, Pisces' deep spirituality leads them to help others on a one-to-one basis (unlike air sign Aquarius' approach: doing good with others). Pisces are moved to relieve any pain they perceive in another, and they stand ready to offer the very shirt off their back. Pisces rules sacrifice, and there is almost nothing Pisces won't do for a relative or friend in need.

Is your mind as blown as mine is? 

Until I come with some conclusions and more insight on what this means for me, I'll just keep swimming!

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Mercury is in Retrograde!

Hide your kids! Hide your Wife! Because Mercury is in retrograde!

Okay, on a serious note. If you're earth sign is a Taurus, this is a big thing for you, because from April 28, 2016- May 22, 2016 you will be the most frustrated and productive as you ever been. According to AstrologyZone.com, "About three or four times a year, Mercury speeds past Earth, and that is when we experience a Mercury retrograde period." 

This is important y'all, because Mercury controls all types of communication, including listening, speaking, learning, reading, editing, researching, negotiating, selling, and buying. Mercury also rules all formal contracts and agreements, as well as important documents such as book manuscripts or term papers, agreements, deeds, contracts, leases, wills, etc. 

I was introduced to this from Tumblr when I saw this post:

And I was wondering why was this important, because I saw on Twitter a post about it. So I finally decided to research into it (I've had this weird spiritual craving to learn about astrology) and my mind was blown with what I learned. I am truly interested to see how my Taurus friends will behave. 

Here's a calendar of the dates Mercury will be retrograde:

2016
January 5 - January 25, 2016 in Aquarius, ends in earth-sign Capricorn
April 28 - May 22, 2016 in earth-sign Taurus
August 30 - September 22, 2016 in earth-sign Virgo
Dec 19 2016 - Jan 8, 2017 in earth-sign Capricorn, ends in fire-sign Sagittarius

2017
Dec 19, 2016 to Jan 8, 2017 earth-sign Capricorn, to fire-sign Sagittarius
April 9 - May 3, 2017 earth-sign Taurus, to fire-sign Aries
August 12 - Sept 5, 2017 in earth-sign Virgo, ends in fire-sign Leo
December 3 - December 22, 2017 in fire-sign Sagittarius

2018
March 22 - April 15, 2018 in fire-sign Aries
July 26 - August 18, 2018 in fire-sign Leo water-sign Scorpio
November 16 - December 6 in fire sign Sagittarius, ends water sign Scorpio

2019
March 5 - 28, 2019 in water-sign Pisces
July 7 - 31, 2019 starts in fire-sign Leo, ends in water-sign Cancer
October 31 - November 20, 2019 in water-sign Scorpio

2020
February 18 - March 9, 2020 in water-sign Pisces, ends in air-sign Aquarius
June 17 - July 12, 2020 in water-sign Cancer
October 13 - November 3, 2020 in water-sign Scorpio, ends in air-sign Libra

2021
January 30 - February 20 in air-sign Aquarius
May 29 - June 22 in air-sign Gemini
September 27 - October 18 in air-sign Libra

2022
January 14 - February 3 starts in air sign Aquarius, ends in earth-sign Capricorn
May 10 - June 2 starts in air sign Gemini, ends in earth-sign Taurus
September 9 - October 2 starts in air-sign Libra, ends in earth-sign Virgo December 29 - January 18 in earth-sign Capricorn

2024
See above, Dec 29, 2022 - Jan 18, 2023- goes direct in earth sign Capricorn
April 21 - May 14 in earth sign Taurus
August 23 - September 15 in earth sign Virgo
December 13, 2023 - January 1, 2024 in fire-sign Sagittarius

2024
See above, January 1, 2024 goes direct in fire-sign Sagittarius
April 1- April 25 in fire-sign Aries
August 4 - August 28 in earth-sign and ends in fire-sign Leo
November 25 - December 15 in fire-sign Sagittarius

[Source: AstrologyZone.com]

Are you ready for Mercury Retrograde season?

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How to Subscribe to My Blog!

Hey y'all! First I want to say thank you to everyone who has been reading my blog posts and giving me great feedback. I'm loving the vibes that y'all feeling about my thoughts. So thanks!

A few people have mentioned that they have had a hard time figuring out how to subscribe to my blog. So here's a break down of some different ways you can stay interactive with SmallPinkDreams.

1, Mobile App

So I haven't quite figured out how to make the mobile app easier to navigate, so we have to work around it. A way that you can subscribe to my blog is by 

-Scrolling all the way to the bottom of the page
-Click view web version
-Scroll until you see a box that looks like this:

-Enter your email
-Follow directions
-Viola! You're now a subscriber!

2. Check Social Media
I'm always posting on my social media about my blog posts so follow me to get the most recent blog posts

Twitter: @smallpinkdreams
Instragram: @smallpinkdreams
Tumblr: www,small-pinkdreams.tumblr.com

**I am giving my consent for my supporters to gain access to my private social media accounts. Please respect my postings, my thoughts, and my energy, Please don't yuck my yum! 

3, Leave a Comment
You can always leave a comment with your email address at the bottom of my posts and I can manually add you to the subscriber list. ;)

5 Things I Found Out When I Started Drinking More Water

Water. It makes up about 71% of the world and I happened to live near one of the largest fresh water lakes in all of the United States. I'm not saying that I never indulged in a large glass of water before, but I can say that I barely drank it to reap it's benefits. Like the billions of people on New Years Eve that made new years' resolutions, one of my goals for the new year was to listen to my body and do right by her. This means taking care of her, making better and healthier decisions for her, and treating her with respect. It's also a great time to mention, I am always on the move and can be quite lazy at times.

Four months into the new year and "new me", I have disciplined myself to drink at least 3 16-oz bottles of water (about  48 ounces). Even though it is smaller than the "recommended" amount of water, it's the beginning of a life long journey. At 48 ounces of water a day, I have seen and experienced some astonishing results.

1. I Become Full Much Faster

I have no shame in shouting to the world that I love food and my body enjoys food. My problem with my food cravings is that I am also greedy and love to finish a meal. About a week into drinking 48 ounces of water, I noticed that my body gave up on the idea of finishing a meal. As much as I wanted to eat more and give into my greedy temptations, my body told me no. There was no way that I could ignore what my body was telling me, so I was forced to stop eating.

2. I Started to Shed Weight Fast

The rumors are true! The more you drink water, the easier it is for your body to lose weight. in addition to becoming more full, I started to shed weight in my stomach and legs. My body was looking as good as it felt!

3. My Face Cleared Up

Three words: Melanin. On. Fleek. After drinking water for two weeks, I saw my face acne began to clear up. It cleared up so well that I only had one or two pimples on my face! Adding drinking more water to my daily face regime gave me amazing results.

4. It Flushes Away A Lot of Toxins

I was talking with some friends about my new found glory in drinking water and one of them suggested the reason why my melanin was so fleeked was due to my body flushing the bad toxins in my body. According to AuthorityNutrition.com, "Higher fluid intake increases the volume of urine passing through the kidneys." This means that when you drink a lot of water, your body releases the bad toxins you don't need when you urine.

5. I Had So Much More Energy

As I said in the beginning, I am always on the move. My long days usually drains me of everything I have and I am left exhausted. When I started drinking water infused with lemons, I had more energy to finish my day. I didn't have as much puffiness under my eyes and I yawn way less frequently now.

So instead of grabbing a cup of juice or a can of pop, get a glass of water to say thank you to your body!

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Black Butterfly

I cry for you, Black Butterfly.
They tell you that it takes months before you're ready to fly.
They tell you to wait.
They tell you to listen.
They tell you there is only one way you can fly.

Already caged before you fly, Black Butterfly.

You see, Black Butterfly, there is a process to this.
This shield was made to protect you from their world.
This shield that is only yours.
Then you begin to transform.
You are no longer you.
It is not until the end of this transformation that you learn how you've changed.

You are not the same, Black Butterfly.

I pray for you, Black Butterfly.
Because your wings are ready, but delicate and unfamiliar.
You've been in your cocoon for so long.
You know not of the winds that dance around you.
But don't you worry, Black Butterfly, the winds of the world is ready for you.
You'll spend minutes, maybe hours, or even days dancing with the wind until you find your rhythm.
Don't be discourages when you're lost and nonrhythmic.
It isn't uncommon for Black Butterflies to lose their way,

Remember, Black Butterfly, they all begin like you.
Scared. Lost. Raw.
This transformation gave you a new pair of eyes to see new things.
This transformation gave you antennas to help you find a new path.

With your new wings, Black Butterfly, you are ready to fly.



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Get to Know Me!

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” 

― Eleanor Roosevelt

Phenomenal. Learner. Spiritual. Natural

Those are adjectives that I have learned to love more since September 2015. My name is Jenn and I am the creator of  SmallPinkDreams blog. I am a Chicago based blogger who loves fashion, politics, Beyonce, and my black people. This blog is special to me, because it exhibits my passions and my interests. This blog to me is a form of expression and a journal to my journey of exploring self-love and self-care. 

My journey of self-love and self-care began in September 2015. Have you ever felt like you had the world, yet you were still a little lonely? I grew up in a home where you were always told 

"Good, better, best.

Never let it rest.

Until your good is better

And your better is your best"

That saying that my mother taught to my sister and I held great value in the activities that I participated in, the friends that I had chose to surround myself with, and even the choices that I made that were geared towards myself. I was a confident pre-teen and teenager who thought I knew much more than I actually did. As I grew up, I realized that the amount of knowledge that I thought I had was nothing like the knowledge I should be accessing-- in short, I was like a achievement junky who got high off my awards and success. I always sought to be the best in anything I could get my hands on-- I wanted to join everything that I thought my parents would earn bragging rights about: National Honors Society, Dance Competitions, Honor Roll, etc. 

 Aside from academia, I was struggling to understand and evaluate my social life. Friends weren't really acting as friends should act; relationships with boys were crushing my self esteem because it seemed no one took me seriously; and I wasn't as happy as I thought I had been, What I soon realized was that my happiness wasn't as genuine as I thought. Yes I have great memories from growing up; and, yes, I still have memories of fun. My experiences growing up weren't the worst of all situations, but I wasn't as happy as I should've been.However, my life began to go through this test from God about expressing my true-self. That was the moment I realized that I needed a change in my life. 

One reason that I love school, college in particular, is because it gave me a chance to reflect on who I am , how I learn, and how I can contribute to society. In college, I found a deeper meaning of what it means to be black, a woman, and educated-- and sometimes a combination of the three. I began taking courses that were actually interesting to me and something that I can use in my daily life. I began exploring my purpose, my values, and passions.

My goal of this blog is to have an audience that can relate to me, interact with me, and create with me. This blog is special to me, because it is a piece in my journey of discovering who I am. This blog will be mostly be about good vibes, lifestyles, inspirations, and features individuals that are making some great moves in society. The name Small, in SmallPinkDreams, represents my place in the world. How I am just a small dot in a bigger world. It is a representation of my position as a black woman and how devalued I feel by the world. The Pink is symbol of my expression of womanhood. Plus it's my favorite color (lol.) Lastly, Dreams symbolize my optimism--my hope for the future, my goals, my life. 

Please enjoy my blog and offer any feedback.

If you have any personal or business inquiries, would like to contribute a piece to this blog, or donate to this blog,  please contact me at 

smallpinkdreams@gmail.com

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"You don't make progress by just standing on the sidelines whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas." 

- Shirley Chisholm

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Pimpstress Prayer

As I wake to start another day, 
Please forgive me for the mind games that I intend to play, 
And for the heart's, cold, I shall turn, 
All because my heart, too, was once burned 
But know that a devil, I was never intended to be 
I wasn't born this way 
I acquired the taste naturally 
And know that I realize that I need to change 
I guess that is why you have 
Already sent a man 
Block's within my heart's range 
The same one who is caught up 
And just as twisted as me 
Yet every night, he's all that I see 
My Adam, while all others are duplicates of his rib 
Please give me the strength to want to lose myself 
Trust myself 
Acknowledge myself 
And find peace outside of the streets 
Love in my heart 
And acceptance in yours 
Allow the heart's that I have decimated 
To heal 
And forgive me for all of my ill will 
And let them know that they were just the marks 
From the deception of my own hurt and pain 
Through my deception 
Allow them to recognize real love 
And grab it with a hunger 
A thirst 
The same zest that I will one day need in me 
Hope to one day receive 
As my welcome home 
And my au revoir out of the game 
Like a parolee out from a prison sentence 
Fire tamed 
My jail break 
I am free!

--Anesa Laneigh
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Let's Talk: My Journey of Self-Love

As you become more clear about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around.

-Oprah Winfrey

Can you honestly say that you know yourself? Do you know you worth? Your passions? Your purpose on this earth? These are questions that I have been pondering for months now. I'm finding that it's hard trying to let go of everything you have ever known and learned to genuinely self-reflect. I consider it a moment that I am able to reconstruct my sense of self and how to take better care of myself.

I was born in an one parent household to a hard-working mother and a sidelined supportive father. My mother hid her struggle to keep the home I have grown up in, continue her education, raise two daughters, and maintain her sanity. In the midst of these methods to simply survive, I don't remember a time where my mother has spoke to me about self-love. She taught me how to read, how to write, how to cook, how to compete, how to succeed; but not once did she tell me to find love within myself. I grew up looking at love as this emotional feeling that you feel when you finally meet "the one." What I am soon finding out is that it take two to tango and that you must first love yourself before you try to love someone else.

I had fallen into a mild depression in September 2015. This mild depression made me insecure, unmotivated, concerned about my future, and super sad. I began to pick up unhealthy habits that would have eventually led me down a different road, I steered away knowing and loving God, and I had lost a sense of purpose in everything I participated in. I felt lonely, sad, and fake. My turning point to find self-love came after I realized that I was lacking something in my life. I wanted to find purpose and light.

My first step in finding self-love, I reflected on who I thought I was in the past. I believe that an individual's past plays a big role in identifying who they are. What was wrong with this method and what became an eye opening moment for me was that the person that I thought I was, was really someone who had been told who they were. In reality, I had no idea what my strengths and weaknesses were, my likes or dislikes were, or even why I chose to do certain things. Realizing this, I became more sad and confused. I realized that the things that I thought I knew for sure were to please others--more specifically, my parents. My parents had always been supportive, but I fought so hard to be the "good" child and to please my parents, that I lost my true personhood. I'm not saying, that I'm a complete ball of confusion because I worked hard to please my parents; but I can honestly say that my decisions never 100% reflected my true wants.

Today, I am still on my journey. It has been 6 months of speaking my truth. I am no longer voiceless; I am no longer sad; I am no longer as lost as I use to be. I found a new love in God and have been asking for guidance and understanding. Learning about myself has been a rewarding experience. I found happiness in being true to myself.

Now, I love myself more every day!

Close my Nightmare

He was six feet two
With skin that radiated with the sun
So golden and so brown with love
And that hair with coils and curls...
Intelligence that chilled me at the spine 
A physique that needed exploration using touch
But he couldn't get it together.

Constructed as perfection of man
With kindness that kills you, so sweet
So calm, with waves that continuously flowed
And personable. a personality like no other...
Mystifying and magical in all it embodies
A truth that's unimaginable to those around
But he couldn't get it together.

I wasn't enough for him
Though my soul yearned for only him
But God had a plan for us 
And it wasn't our time to love
What seemed as destiny was only misled
A series of infinite torture to love
But we couldn't get it together




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Dream Big

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world."

 -Harriet Tubman

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