Let's Talk: My Journey of Self-Love

As you become more clear about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around.

-Oprah Winfrey

Can you honestly say that you know yourself? Do you know you worth? Your passions? Your purpose on this earth? These are questions that I have been pondering for months now. I'm finding that it's hard trying to let go of everything you have ever known and learned to genuinely self-reflect. I consider it a moment that I am able to reconstruct my sense of self and how to take better care of myself.

I was born in an one parent household to a hard-working mother and a sidelined supportive father. My mother hid her struggle to keep the home I have grown up in, continue her education, raise two daughters, and maintain her sanity. In the midst of these methods to simply survive, I don't remember a time where my mother has spoke to me about self-love. She taught me how to read, how to write, how to cook, how to compete, how to succeed; but not once did she tell me to find love within myself. I grew up looking at love as this emotional feeling that you feel when you finally meet "the one." What I am soon finding out is that it take two to tango and that you must first love yourself before you try to love someone else.

I had fallen into a mild depression in September 2015. This mild depression made me insecure, unmotivated, concerned about my future, and super sad. I began to pick up unhealthy habits that would have eventually led me down a different road, I steered away knowing and loving God, and I had lost a sense of purpose in everything I participated in. I felt lonely, sad, and fake. My turning point to find self-love came after I realized that I was lacking something in my life. I wanted to find purpose and light.

My first step in finding self-love, I reflected on who I thought I was in the past. I believe that an individual's past plays a big role in identifying who they are. What was wrong with this method and what became an eye opening moment for me was that the person that I thought I was, was really someone who had been told who they were. In reality, I had no idea what my strengths and weaknesses were, my likes or dislikes were, or even why I chose to do certain things. Realizing this, I became more sad and confused. I realized that the things that I thought I knew for sure were to please others--more specifically, my parents. My parents had always been supportive, but I fought so hard to be the "good" child and to please my parents, that I lost my true personhood. I'm not saying, that I'm a complete ball of confusion because I worked hard to please my parents; but I can honestly say that my decisions never 100% reflected my true wants.

Today, I am still on my journey. It has been 6 months of speaking my truth. I am no longer voiceless; I am no longer sad; I am no longer as lost as I use to be. I found a new love in God and have been asking for guidance and understanding. Learning about myself has been a rewarding experience. I found happiness in being true to myself.

Now, I love myself more every day!