Get to Know Me!

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” 

― Eleanor Roosevelt

Phenomenal. Learner. Spiritual. Natural

Those are adjectives that I have learned to love more since September 2015. My name is Jenn and I am the creator of  SmallPinkDreams blog. I am a Chicago based blogger who loves fashion, politics, Beyonce, and my black people. This blog is special to me, because it exhibits my passions and my interests. This blog to me is a form of expression and a journal to my journey of exploring self-love and self-care. 

My journey of self-love and self-care began in September 2015. Have you ever felt like you had the world, yet you were still a little lonely? I grew up in a home where you were always told 

"Good, better, best.

Never let it rest.

Until your good is better

And your better is your best"

That saying that my mother taught to my sister and I held great value in the activities that I participated in, the friends that I had chose to surround myself with, and even the choices that I made that were geared towards myself. I was a confident pre-teen and teenager who thought I knew much more than I actually did. As I grew up, I realized that the amount of knowledge that I thought I had was nothing like the knowledge I should be accessing-- in short, I was like a achievement junky who got high off my awards and success. I always sought to be the best in anything I could get my hands on-- I wanted to join everything that I thought my parents would earn bragging rights about: National Honors Society, Dance Competitions, Honor Roll, etc. 

 Aside from academia, I was struggling to understand and evaluate my social life. Friends weren't really acting as friends should act; relationships with boys were crushing my self esteem because it seemed no one took me seriously; and I wasn't as happy as I thought I had been, What I soon realized was that my happiness wasn't as genuine as I thought. Yes I have great memories from growing up; and, yes, I still have memories of fun. My experiences growing up weren't the worst of all situations, but I wasn't as happy as I should've been.However, my life began to go through this test from God about expressing my true-self. That was the moment I realized that I needed a change in my life. 

One reason that I love school, college in particular, is because it gave me a chance to reflect on who I am , how I learn, and how I can contribute to society. In college, I found a deeper meaning of what it means to be black, a woman, and educated-- and sometimes a combination of the three. I began taking courses that were actually interesting to me and something that I can use in my daily life. I began exploring my purpose, my values, and passions.

My goal of this blog is to have an audience that can relate to me, interact with me, and create with me. This blog is special to me, because it is a piece in my journey of discovering who I am. This blog will be mostly be about good vibes, lifestyles, inspirations, and features individuals that are making some great moves in society. The name Small, in SmallPinkDreams, represents my place in the world. How I am just a small dot in a bigger world. It is a representation of my position as a black woman and how devalued I feel by the world. The Pink is symbol of my expression of womanhood. Plus it's my favorite color (lol.) Lastly, Dreams symbolize my optimism--my hope for the future, my goals, my life. 

Please enjoy my blog and offer any feedback.

If you have any personal or business inquiries, would like to contribute a piece to this blog, or donate to this blog,  please contact me at 

smallpinkdreams@gmail.com

Subscribe to Small Pink Dreams

"You don't make progress by just standing on the sidelines whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas." 

- Shirley Chisholm

Subscribe to Small Pink Dreams

Pimpstress Prayer

As I wake to start another day, 
Please forgive me for the mind games that I intend to play, 
And for the heart's, cold, I shall turn, 
All because my heart, too, was once burned 
But know that a devil, I was never intended to be 
I wasn't born this way 
I acquired the taste naturally 
And know that I realize that I need to change 
I guess that is why you have 
Already sent a man 
Block's within my heart's range 
The same one who is caught up 
And just as twisted as me 
Yet every night, he's all that I see 
My Adam, while all others are duplicates of his rib 
Please give me the strength to want to lose myself 
Trust myself 
Acknowledge myself 
And find peace outside of the streets 
Love in my heart 
And acceptance in yours 
Allow the heart's that I have decimated 
To heal 
And forgive me for all of my ill will 
And let them know that they were just the marks 
From the deception of my own hurt and pain 
Through my deception 
Allow them to recognize real love 
And grab it with a hunger 
A thirst 
The same zest that I will one day need in me 
Hope to one day receive 
As my welcome home 
And my au revoir out of the game 
Like a parolee out from a prison sentence 
Fire tamed 
My jail break 
I am free!

--Anesa Laneigh
Subscribe to Small Pink Dreams

Let's Talk: My Journey of Self-Love

As you become more clear about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around.

-Oprah Winfrey

Can you honestly say that you know yourself? Do you know you worth? Your passions? Your purpose on this earth? These are questions that I have been pondering for months now. I'm finding that it's hard trying to let go of everything you have ever known and learned to genuinely self-reflect. I consider it a moment that I am able to reconstruct my sense of self and how to take better care of myself.

I was born in an one parent household to a hard-working mother and a sidelined supportive father. My mother hid her struggle to keep the home I have grown up in, continue her education, raise two daughters, and maintain her sanity. In the midst of these methods to simply survive, I don't remember a time where my mother has spoke to me about self-love. She taught me how to read, how to write, how to cook, how to compete, how to succeed; but not once did she tell me to find love within myself. I grew up looking at love as this emotional feeling that you feel when you finally meet "the one." What I am soon finding out is that it take two to tango and that you must first love yourself before you try to love someone else.

I had fallen into a mild depression in September 2015. This mild depression made me insecure, unmotivated, concerned about my future, and super sad. I began to pick up unhealthy habits that would have eventually led me down a different road, I steered away knowing and loving God, and I had lost a sense of purpose in everything I participated in. I felt lonely, sad, and fake. My turning point to find self-love came after I realized that I was lacking something in my life. I wanted to find purpose and light.

My first step in finding self-love, I reflected on who I thought I was in the past. I believe that an individual's past plays a big role in identifying who they are. What was wrong with this method and what became an eye opening moment for me was that the person that I thought I was, was really someone who had been told who they were. In reality, I had no idea what my strengths and weaknesses were, my likes or dislikes were, or even why I chose to do certain things. Realizing this, I became more sad and confused. I realized that the things that I thought I knew for sure were to please others--more specifically, my parents. My parents had always been supportive, but I fought so hard to be the "good" child and to please my parents, that I lost my true personhood. I'm not saying, that I'm a complete ball of confusion because I worked hard to please my parents; but I can honestly say that my decisions never 100% reflected my true wants.

Today, I am still on my journey. It has been 6 months of speaking my truth. I am no longer voiceless; I am no longer sad; I am no longer as lost as I use to be. I found a new love in God and have been asking for guidance and understanding. Learning about myself has been a rewarding experience. I found happiness in being true to myself.

Now, I love myself more every day!