Finding Security from Insecurities

Blac Chyna and Rob (Robert) Kardashian has broke the internet again. This time, Rob has made headlines after "exposing" his relationship with Blac Chyna on Instagram. We know this isn't anything new because Rob has had a history of blowing up publicly on social media--we've seen it with his two past relationships to Adrienne Bailon and Rita Ora. I'm not choosing sides or making a personal political stance on this issue, but one thing that is unmistakable is Rob's inability to heal from his insecurities.

Insecurities are the worst. We all have them. We all deal with them. We all know someone who has them. They aren't the problem because they are natural--but here's where it can take a turn. Insecurities spoil relationships because it creates an anticipatory anxiety--where a person experiences increased levels of anxiety by thinking about an event or situation in the future. Anticipatory anxiety is a negative projection about an unknown outcome. It can drive people to be needy, suspicious, confrontational, aggressive, and if it gets worse, emotionally and verbally abusive. When we become anxious about situations, we start seeing problems where none exist. When it comes to insecurities, it's not just about you--it affects your relationship with your friends, your family, and your partners. We become disillusioned from the truth and are unable to perform therapeutically in the present. Our constant monitoring of other's actions, behaviors and words become draining and arduous--it literally becomes a horrible chore and bad habit to regularly inspect (might as well call you Inspector Gadget!)

The best part is that we aren't doomed. Insecurities aren't the end of the world, but there must be constant and intentional healing that must take place in order to overcome them.

1. “Everyone suffers at least one bad betrayal in their lifetime. It’s what unites us. The trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others when that happens. Don’t let them take that from you.” 

― Sherrilyn Kenyon

The first thing I had to learn in order to trust someone and feel beyond my insecuities was forgiving my past. I get it--they hurt you worse than ever before. I know-- they shouldn't have done it or said it. But look my friend, they did it and I'm sorry but it's time we think about ourselves. How can we better heal in order to forgive the past? If your insecurities have been shaped by a relative, a friend, a ex-partner, an authority figure, recognize this. Then start to forgive them. Understand that people are driven by their own insecurities and often project those onto people who don't need them. Let the past go, one step at a time.

2. “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” 

― Ernest Hemingway

Just like people can project their insecurities onto us, we can do that to others. Once you've forgiven the past, it's time to accept all of yourself. Accepting yourself fully and authentically is hard as hell. Ask anyone and they will most likely tell you it's a non-stop, ongoing, daily practice. I noticed that I would be hard on myself when I made a mistake and was overwhelmed by a need to always look a certain way to others. Perhaps the intention was to cover up my own insecurities, but I know for a fact I started to expect others to do what, ultimately, I wasn't ready to do for myself. Developing a more secure sense of self allows us to accept others without judgement or criticism. By allowing yourself the space to feel and heal, it helps create and sustain relationships free of judgment.

3.“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” 

― Maya Angelou

In order to heal from my insecurities I HAD to become vulnerable. It was the only way my relationships could survive. When I wasn't vulnerable, I was more receptive to coping an attitude, arguments, withdrawing from emotional situations, and sadness. When we enter intimate relationships, we expose ourselves to being emotionally vulnerable. So concerned about being hurt by someone that you may be hurting them. You must open the door for you to become comfortable with people.  Break those walls down and create perspective. Handing uncertainty can be stressful, especially when you've spent much time and effort to have control over your life. We must be bold enough to open ourselves to others. 

4.“We always see our worst selves. Our most vulnerable selves. We need someone else to get close enough to tell us we’re wrong. Someone we trust.” 

― David Levithan 

I found many angels in my healing circle. Whether with my friends or family, they became the vehicle to love. The provided the strong security that I was unable to afford for myself. They immersed me in healthy positivity that helped with my self-esteem. Most importantly they helped me get our my head and stop cursing myself to perpetual sadness due to my insecurities. Lean on your circle for healing! Find your love language that others are able to guide to find. Through affirmations, lots of hugs, and fresh air, they helped me heal on the road to security.


We all have them but we can grow beyond this. Let's work to become the lovers and friends that God intended. We can do this together one step at a time!

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” 

― George MacDonald

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